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Thursday, March 19, 2009

Fungus devastates 'chicken' frog

By Richard Black
Environment correspondent, BBC News website

Dead frog
Dead mountain chicken now litter the streams of Montserrat

Montserrat's "mountain chicken" frog has become the latest victim of the killer fungal disease that is devastating amphibians worldwide.

UK researchers say that only two small pockets of the animals on the tiny Caribbean island remain disease-free.

The mountain chicken (Leptodactylus fallax) is one of the world's largest frogs, and appears on the coat of arms of neighbouring Dominica.

Conservationists plan to take surviving frogs into captive breeding programmes.

They suspect the chytrid fungus entered Montserrat on small frogs stowing away in consignments of produce from Dominica.

If this was killing mammals or birds in the same way it's killing amphibians, millions and millions would have been spent on it
Dr Andrew Cunningham, ZSL

"We've always been afraid that frogs coming in banana consignments from Dominica would bring chytrid and that it would then spread into the centre of the island," said John Fa, director of conservation science at Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust.

"The northern populations are closer to the port, and the disease appears to have spread southward along the river systems.

"Essentially, all populations to the north and north-west of the centre hills have been decimated, and there are just two remaining populations of seemingly healthy animals in the south-eastern corner."

An expedition in 2005 found no sign of fungal infection.

Clean sweep

The frogs are so called because their meat tastes like chicken. In both Caribbean islands - the only places where they naturally occur now - hunting was already impacting populations before the arrival of chytrid.

Most of the Montserrat populations were also affected by the volcanic eruptions that began in 1995, although the creation of an "exclusion zone" around the volcano's slopes has provided some help to wildlife by freeing it from human pressures.

Giant of the forest

Events on Montserrat now appear to be mimicking what happened on Dominica in 2002.

Within 15 months of the fungus arriving, about 80% of the island's mountain chicken had been wiped out.

First identified just over a decade ago, the fungus (Batrachochytrium dendrobatidis) has spread through hundreds of amphibian species on different continents.

It sweeps some to extinction in a matter of months, while others are apparently immune.

"We still don't know how chytrid kills frogs, and there's some very basic stuff about the biology of the fungus that we need to understand," observed Andrew Cunningham from the Zoological Society of London (ZSL).

"We've known about it for 10 years, but so little money has been spent on it.

"If this was killing mammals or birds in the same way it's killing amphibians, millions and millions would have been spent on it."

In captivity, chemicals can be used to rid amphibians of the fungus, but as yet there is no way to cure them in the wild, or to cleanse infected water bodies.

As a result, many conservation groups are focusing their energies on establishing captive populations.

Durrell and other conservation organisations already have mountain chicken in captivity, and will be taking more from the apparently healthy Montserrat populations in the coming weeks.

In contrast to some other operations, though, it plans to treat and return some frogs to the wild within a couple of years, placing them in areas that appear to be free of chytrid.

Original here

The hog with no hedge: How a mysterious skin condition made Spud's spikes fall out

By Neil Sears

He looks like a cross between a battered children's toy and a pink potato.

Meet Spud, the spineless hedgehog.

Staff at Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital in Buckinghamshire, who have been caring for him since August, are baffled by his condition.

hedgehog

Spineless Spud: His plight has left the wildlife experts perplexed

Founder Les Stocker said: 'Spud was brought to us last year after someone found him in their garden. He's had biopsies and skin tests, but we've had no answers.

'He seems quite happy and does all the things a hedgehog should. We're now appealing for someone to come forward with ideas about what has caused his problem, and suggestions for treatment, whether it's homeopathy or some other natural treatment.'

hedgehog

Pampered: Spud has to undergo a daily routine of a warm bath, followed by a baby oil massage

How Spud would look if he could get rid of his skin condition

Mr Stocker added: 'We think he's at least three years old, but we don't know if he was born like this or it was a problem that developed later in life.

'The fear is that in winter it would get too cold for him, so we can't risk releasing him.

'Funnily enough we've got a bald squirrel in too.

'We call him Smoothie, and we don't know what his problem is either.'

Staff believe he is still able to grow spines after one was found under the skin - but had to be removed.

Hedgehogs rely on their spines, hollow hairs made stiff with keratin, for insulation and protection as they are the only animals in Britain immune to most predator attacks.

When under extreme stress or during sickness, they can sometimes lose spines and the ability to roll into a tight ball is compromised.

Original here

10 Reasons Why Homeless People Choose To Be Homeless

A question that has often been brought up here amongst the comments is the question of choice. Are homeless people who appear to be homeless by choice less deserving of compassion or assistance than others? If they do indeed choose this lifestyle why should anyone interfere, why should anyone go out of their way or put their hands in their pockets to help them?

Rarely does anyone ever choose to become homeless. I won’t deny the existence of a tiny minority of Robinson Crusoe types that put on their backpacks and drop out of society, favoring a simple lifestyle of woodland living. Some people do this for a relatively short period, more like an extended camping trip but there are very, very few indeed that maintain this lifestyle for a protracted amount of time. Of the remaining ninety-nine percent the reasons for becoming homeless are many and varied but whatever the initial cause of their homelessness and despite all the programs and shelters and missions that are available today some do appear to remain homeless by choice. If you actually ask homeless people why with all the services available do they prefer to stay on the streets, some will even tell you that they choose to be homeless. But do they really? The reality is a lack of suitable alternatives.

The following are some of the main reasons why homeless people choose homelessness over the available services:

1. Safety

Many homeless people avoid using shelter services for fear that their personal safety could be compromised. Whilst most shelters take precautions where practical they are often run, through necessity, on skeleton staff levels of volunteers who are likely not professionally qualified to deal with violent conduct and as such cannot guarantee personal safety. There may well be violent offenders, addicts and mentally imbalanced individuals sharing the room in which you would be expected to sleep.

2. Personal belongings

Homeless people travel light. They own very little and you can be sure that the few things they do possess and carry are either necessary for their survival or they consider the items very precious. They protect the few belongings that they do have tenaciously. Most shelters do not have secure storage available which means that personal belongings can be left lying around and vulnerable to theft.

3. Pets

Homeless people are socially excluded. If they are spoken to at all by the general population it is more often than not to be jeered at. Sometimes they can go weeks, months or even years without speaking to a single soul. This isolation can be one of the most difficult aspects homeless people have to deal with. Many would rather share what little food they can gather with a dog in exchange for the companionship they provide than be completely alone. It is not hard to understand why they would be reluctant to give this up but very few shelters or state supported accommodation programs make provisions for pets.

4. Health Hazards

Death and homelessness go hand in hand. The average age at death of a homeless person in America can be as low as 41 years depending on the state you live in. Homeless people often have difficulty in accessing medical care. Poor diet and exposure to the elements can mean that a relatively minor injury or disease could prove fatal. The risk of picking up an infection is massively increased when using shelter services.

5. Control

Shelter living effectively means being told what time you have to go to bed, what time you have to get up, what you are going to eat and what time you are going to eat it at. It likely also means limited availability as to what times you are able to use washing facilities. In essence your freedom is restricted and your life no longer your own.


6. Daytime Hours

Most shelters are nighttime only. This means that come the morning (and it is usually very early) you have just a short time to get your gear together before being turned back out onto the streets. It matters not whether it might be rain, sleet, snow or hail, you have to leave and you may not return prior to the time allotted for opening the following evening. If you show up late, no matter what the reason may be, this will usually result in missing your spot for that night. That is, of course, if there were any beds left available in the first place.

7. Addictions

Although the common held stereotypical myth that all homeless people are addicts and alcoholics is not true, there is a significant proportion that do suffer from alcoholism and/or substance abuse issues. There are also a great number of them trying desperately to kick these habits. In order to have a realistic chance of breaking the cycle it is necessary to avoid associating with other addicts wherever possible and staying away from places where they are likely to hangout. For many, this means staying away from shelters.

8. Privacy

People need personal space. Staying in a shelter means sharing a dormitory, sharing a meal room and sharing bathroom facilities with fifty or so other residents. Ever tried sleeping in a room full of fifty other people all chatting, laughing, coughing, snoring and breaking wind? It is worth remembering that some of these emergency ’shelters’ consist of no more than a mattress on a church floor. It may be warmer than the streets but it doesn’t necessarily mean you will be able to get more sleep.

9. Intrusion and Anonymity

Many state programs require a very intrusive application process. It can mean disclosing highly personal and potentially embarrassing information. Personal history, family background, police and medical records and financial history are all fair game. There are many reasons why anybody would prefer to keep certain things quiet. Some maybe sinister but others can be tragic. It is widely believed that a significant proportion of missing persons are homeless people.

10. Required Religion

A large percentage of homeless shelters have a religious affiliation. Not all but many of those that do have one impose a requirement to attend religious services in order for a person to be granted access to their food and shelter facilities. This can, of course, be offensive to some and particularly those who belong to an ethnic minority, which tend to be over-represented amongst the homeless population.

This is not intended in any way to be an attack on the services offered by rescue missions and shelters. In fact, I strongly believe that they do a fantastic job of providing an invaluable service with very limited resources. The truth is that they do their best to fill a huge void caused largely by societal and political shortcomings and the homelessness situation would be very much worse than it already is were it not for their efforts. Unfortunately though they cannot realistically be expected to provide an effective solution with the available finances and other resources at their disposal.

Do homeless people ever really choose to be homeless? No, not really. Still not convinced? Well next time you see a homeless person sleeping on the streets try dangling the keys to your nice plush suburban home under his or her nose. Inform them that the central heating is fired up, the fridge is fully stocked and there is fresh linen. Tell them Fido is welcome, they can have their friends over and they can come and go as they please. I can guarantee their will be a dozen proverbial shopping carts parked in your driveway come lunchtime.

Original here

Religious people less anxious, brain activity shows

by Ewen Callaway

Deeply devout people exhibit lower activity in a brain region linked to anxiety when they give the wrong answer on a simple test (Image: Frederic Sierakowski / Rex Features)

Deeply devout people exhibit lower activity in a brain region linked to anxiety when they give the wrong answer on a simple test (Image: Frederic Sierakowski / Rex Features)


If the deeply devout seem less self-doubting than others, perhaps it's because religion helps them shrug off mistakes. So say researchers who found religious people exhibit lower activity than non-believers in a brain region linked to anxiety when erring on a simple test.

"Religion offers an interpretative framework to understand the world. It lets you know when to act, how to act, and what to do in specific situation," says

Michael Inzlicht, a neuroscientist at the University of Toronto, Scarborough, who led the new study. "It provides a kind of blueprint on how to interact with the world."

Religion – and perhaps other strongly held belief systems – buffer against second-guessing decisions, he says.

Anxiety zone

Inzlicht's team tested 50 university students from diverse religious and cultural backgrounds. Christians made up most participants, but his team also tested Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists and atheists.

With a technique that gauges brain activity via dozens of electrodes on the scalp called electroencephalography (EEG), Inzlicht's team focused on action in a small brain area called the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC).

"When it's fired, the response engendered is 'uh oh, pay attention, something is amiss here'," he says (see also Magic reveals the brain's response to the impossible).

People with anxiety disorders tend to show high activity in this region, and drugs that treat their symptoms calm brain activity in the ACC.

Blue, no, yellow!

Volunteers took a simple test that other neuroscientists have used to measure ACC activity.

On a monitor, subjects see a colour spelled out in letters that either correspond to or contradict the meaning of the word – for example, red spelled out in red letters or blue spelled out in yellow letters, for instance. Volunteers must press a button to indicate the colour of the letters.

The students with strong religious beliefs, as measured by their agreement with statements such as "My religion is better than others" or "I would support a war if my religion supported it", exhibited less ACC activation than students with less fervent beliefs.

Tests with another group of students, who were asked how strongly they believed or disbelieved in God, came to a similar conclusion.

Even after accounting for self-esteem, intelligence and other personality traits, Inzlicht's team found that religious devotion predicted volunteers' ACC activity.

Blissful beliefs?

One explanation is that people with a genetic predisposition to reduced ACC activity gravitate toward religion. "It's possible that if you're born with a certain kind of brain, you're predisposed to religion," Inzlicht says.

However, he suspects that religious belief is driving the association. In unpublished experiments, Inzlicht's team asked religious volunteers to describe in writing either their faith or their favourite season. Those who wrote about their connection to God exhibited reduced ACC activation, compared with people who described the weather.

Inzlicht says it would be interesting to test people as their religious devotion strengthens or weakens over time to see if ACC activation changes accordingly. This could help confirm the correct explanation for the lower ACC activity.

"It's a very provocative finding and it is consistent with a lot of other things we know about religion" says Ara Norenzayan, a psychologist at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver. This might explain why religious belief seems to blunt feelings of anxiety.

Although Inzlicht has focused on religion, he thinks other forms of belief may offer the same kind of reassurance. A previous study that used similar methods found that politically conservative Americans exhibit less ACC activation than liberals.

Keen sports fans devoted to their home team may also see the world through a framework that assuages day-to-day concerns and confusion, Inzlicht says.

Yet religious belief offers one thing that sports and politics don't. "I think religion offers the ultimate explanation," Inzlicht says, "for what happens after we leave."

Original here

Family who are 'too fat to work' say £22,000 worth of benefits is not enough

By Urmee Khan

Family who are 'too fat to work' say £22,000 worth of benefits is not enough
(L to R) Emma, Audrey, Philip and Sam Chawner Photo: CLOSER/ BERNARD ASHTON

Philip Chawner, 53, and his 57-year-old wife Audrey weigh 24st. Their daughter Emma, 19, weighs 17st, while her older sister Samantha, 21, weighs 18st.

The family from Blackburn claim £22,508 a year in benefits, equivalent to the take-home pay from a £30,000 salary.


The Chawners, haven't worked in 11 years, claim their weight is a hereditary condition and the money they receive is insufficient to live on.

Mr Chawner said: "What we get barely covers the bills and puts food on the table. It's not our fault we can't work. We deserve more."

The family claim to spend £50 a week on food and consume 3,000 calories each a day. The recommended maximum intake is 2,000 for women and 2,500 for men.

"We have cereal for breakfast, bacon butties for lunch and microwave pies with mashed potato or chips for dinner," Mrs Chawner told Closer magazine.

"All that healthy food, like fruit and veg, is too expensive. We're fat because it's in our genes. Our whole family is overweight," she added.

Each week, Mr and Mrs Chawner, who have been married for 23 years, receive £177 in income support and incapacity benefit. Mrs Chawner is paid an extra £330-a-month disability allowance for epilepsy and asthma, both a result of being overweight.

Mr Chawner gets £71 a month after developing Type 2 diabetes because of his size. He was on a waiting list for a gastric band last year, but a heart condition made the operation unsuitable. Their daughter Samantha receives £84 in Jobseekers' Allowance each fortnight while Emma, who is training to be a hairdresser, gets £58 every two weeks under a hardship fund for low-income students.

Emma, said: "I'm a student and don't have time to exercise" she said "We all want to lose weight to stop the abuse we get in the street, but we don't know how."

Original here

Doctor had oral sex with nose-job patient

By Lauren Wilson

Martyn Mendesohn
Lip service ... Martyn Mendelsohn, a celebrity doctor, who allowed a patient to perform oral sex on him, is fighting to keep his medical licence.
  • Doctor tells court patient gave him oral sex
  • He was "flattered" she performed the act
  • But only until she went to police

A CELEBRITY plastic surgeon who allowed a patient to perform oral sex on him before he gave her a nose job is fighting to keep his medical licence.

Martyn Mendelsohn, an ear, nose and throat surgeon who appeared on the medical reality television show RPA, fronted the NSW Medical Tribunal yesterday over allegations he engaged in a sexual act with a female patient, The Australian reports.

Dr Mendelsohn, 50, admitted he did not attempt to stop a 22-year-old patient performing oral sex on him during an after-hours consultation in May 2005.

The woman had attended the surgery on a number of occasions and arrived that evening for surgery on her nose, the tribunal heard.

Dr Mendelsohn said he considered telling the patient he could not continue with the operation after the sex act occurred, but decided to go ahead.

He then administered four drugs to the patient, and went ahead with the "minor procedure".

"It was a decision I made that I regret," he said.

"Knowing her nose better than anyone else, I was in a unique position to take care of the problem."

After the woman left the surgery, she asked her boyfriend to take her to the police, where she pressed sexual assault charges against the doctor.

The NSW Director of Public Prosecution later dropped the charges, on the basis there was no reasonable prospect of a conviction.

At the time of the incident, Dr Mendelsohn told the tribunal he was depressed and not sleeping well and that his wife was ill.

"I think I was probably flattered," he said.

The patient had made a number of flattering remarks.

"I think I possibly welcomed those comments and I shouldn't have."

Original here

Chocolate Skittles: Like Being Mouth Raped by Candy

By: Michael Swaim

Dear Skittles,

What the fuck are you trying to do to us? Did you really think you’d get away with it? Did you really think the righteous people of the world would stand idly by and let you rape their mouths without crying out for justice?

Stop selling chocolate Skittles. I have no demand beyond that. Actually, no, that’s a lie. I have a whole list of demands:

1. Stop selling chocolate Skittles.
2. Apologize publicly.
3. Jettison all remaining chocolate Skittles—or any regular Skittles which may have been tainted through accidental contact—into space.
4. Euthanize all the diseased, caged rabbits whose shit you harvest to produce the “pudding” flavor.
5. Fire the Japanese guy in marketing who thought this was a good idea.
6. Put the entirety of your research and development budget towards inventing the technology required to make me forget there ever was such a thing.

The worst part of all this, the bitterest betrayal, lies in the fact that you KNEW I’d have to try them. You know damn well I’m not going stand in line at CVS to pay for my nasal spray and Donettes and not scan the candy rack. And what’s waiting there for me? Lo and behold, an airtight bag of baboon crap.

But I didn’t know that. How could I? To my naïve mind, this was a new experience waiting to be enjoyed, an exciting opportunity to take my taste buds on a chocolaty ride to cocoa town, with a possible pit stop in the unincorporated municipality of Donetteville.

Of course, I had my doubts. You don’t survive Circus Peanuts and Lucas and not realize there’s shitty candy out there. But you had my trust, Skittles. You’re one of the respectable candies; one of the good old boys. Since time out of mind, you’ve been there, right alongside M&M’s and Snickers, reliable as a Toyota pickup hauling a load of delicious fruit that hurts to chew.

Even Sour Skittles were all right; I mean, you waited for Warheads and Sour Patch Kids to pave the way, then you went in. You were smart about it. You didn’t blunder down the hall of candydom farting on black licorice and trying to get me to eat it.

You’ve kept your image fresh, too. You’ve got those funny non-sequitor commercials with the sheep-people, and your bags are about as colorful as they come. So when that little voice in my head said “Michael, chocolate Skittles is a terrible idea,” I just stuffed it down into my subconscious with my summer camp memories and all the gay stuff.

But now, it’s all changed. Now I don’t care how many sheep-headed people or Skittle/Midas hybrids or piñata men tell me to lick their brown rainbow, it won’t erase the holocaust that ripped though my mouth that day, or the hours of my life lost retching into a sink and gargling turpentine after downing a handful of “brownie batter.”

For a while, I was convinced my bag had been accidentally filled with compressed chemical pellets or faulty ball bearings. Each hideous flavor was like a depth charge plummeting into my stomach, there to explode and expel a lethal dose of sour hate.

Except S’mores. S’mores was OK. But that’s no excuse.

Especially when the colors you chose are so similar, it’s nearly impossible to sort the merely crappy flavors from the candy-coated abortions. Note to Skittles: no one wants to eat abortions. That’s like the first thing that was established in the history of candy. That’s like RULE ONE.

The saddest thing of all is that now I don’t even like regular Skittles. Your hot Carl of a candy so coated my tongue with caramel excrement that even the fruity deliciousness of standard, God-fearing, American Skittles have lost their luster. The memories are just too painful.

So congratulations. You made the Attack of the Clones of candy.

If there’s any justice in the world, the next time you’re heard from will be your testimony at the Hague when you’re tried for crimes against humanity.

Sincerely,

A guy who’s way too into candy.

Original here

The Top 10 Craziest Sex Laws in America

By Simcha , The Frisky.

Laws are supposed to protects us, but when the government decides to get in our pants, some crazy stuff goes down!

Here are some actual sex laws truly for the record books!

1. In Bakersfield, Calif., if you're going to have sex with Satan, you've gotta use a condom. And definitely come up with a safe word!

2. Poking a porcupine is illegal in Florida. But apparently that law didn't go far enough. Just a couple of weeks ago, State Sen. Nan Rich submitted a bill that would ban peeps in the Sunshine State from being able to stick it in where the sun don't shine on any animal.

3. In Minnesota, it's illegal for any slime bucket to hook up with a live fish. Don't worry disinterested wives, a cold fish is still A-OK!

4. In Dyersburg, Tenn., it is illegal for a lady to call a gentleman for a date. Clearly no one in that town is getting laid!

5. In Merryville, Mo., no woman can waste her natural waist. Wearing a corset is illegal because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male." No wonder it's called the "Show Me State!"

6. It's illegal to purchase sex toys in Alabama. This law can beat it!

7. In Washington state, it's totally legal to eff an animal like an animal, as long as it weighs less than 40 lbs. What, fatty farm pets don't deserve some love?

8. While most would argue that this is place where the people get screwed many different ways, in Washington, D.C., engaging in any sexual position other than missionary is illegal.

9. In Massachusetts, you cannot recklessly consummate your love with a rodeo clown while the horses are still around. But seriously, there's a reason for the expression "hung like a horse." I doubt the animal would get jealous!

10. The biggest Internet-porn-consuming state, Utah, gets freaky in its laws too. Sex with an animal is totally cool, unless you're doing it for cold, hard cash! Hey, why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free!

Original here

5 Horrifying Tales Of 911 Incompetence

By Adam Brown


We all laugh when some nutjob calls 911 because McDonald's ran out of McNuggets. But the world is full of crazy people, they all own phones and 911 is the one number they all know. We shouldn't be surprised.

No, the horror stories happen when regular folk in an emergency call 911 and find the craziness happening at the other end of the line. For instance. . .

#5.
Nashville Operator Doesn't Give a Shit

People have been known to call 911 for some pretty stupid reasons: keys locked in the car, slow traffic, loud fireworks, knife wielding ex-boyfriends breaking in the house threatening to kill them. Whoa! That last one doesn't seem to fit the description at all! But when Sheila Jones called 911 in Nashville to report that very thing, the response she received was akin to what one might expect if calling an emergency line to report an ingrown toenail.

After her first call went unanswered, Jones called back and got fantastic news. Officers had been dispatched, but another more important call came in, so they answered that first.

What could be more important than a potential stabbing? A traffic stop, of course! A traffic stop that, in the interest of maintaining our faith in humanity, we will assume was of the GTA IV variety, involving multiple gunshots and at least one person that had burst into flames.

But the shenanigans don't stop there. Jones made a third call after more than two freaking hours had passed with no sign of help. After the call ended--but with tape still rolling--we hear the last damned thing you want to hear when you call 911..."I really just don't give a shit what happens to you."


Nice.

So, What Happened?

Fortunately, Jones's boyfriend never did get around to actually killing her, presumably because even he started feeling sorry for her after the police failed to show. She did eventually get police to respond to her call, but only after contacting the fucking mayor's office.

When a local news affiliate got wind of the story, they investigated and uncovered the not a shit giving 911 operator's antics. He was immediately fired. At least we hope it was immediate, but don't count on it.

#4.
Memphis 911 Operator Falls Asleep on the Job

As anyone who has ever worked a customer service gig can attest, the general public is, for the most part, pretty damn boring. Sure, you get calls from the occasional basket case who threatens to end your shit with a chainsaw unless you reverse that $5 late fee, but mostly it's just mundane questions about things you don't care about. You would think this would not be the case for, say, a 911 operator. The constant stream of calls about gunshots, robberies and out of control chimpanzee attacks would be enough to keep anyone on their toes, right?


We use this pic whenever we can.

Apparently, it is not, as evidenced by a Memphis woman's experience when she called 911 to report that someone was tapping on her window:

Things begin with the woman explaining her situation to the 911 operator. The above news report then devolves into what looks like an infomercial for shitty emergency responder service.

If you call today, we'll ignore your plea for help for 15 full seconds, responding only with dead silence!

But we're not stopping there! Act right away, and we won't just double it...

Nope! If you call 911 today, we'll pass right the Hell out for one full minute!

If you listen close, you can actually hear dude snoring on the phone. He eventually wakes up and gets down to business by asking for the woman's address. The address she had already given him before he passed out.

So, What Happened?

After months of badgering by a Memphis reporter, an investigation into the call was finally launched. The operator on duty was suspended for seven days. That oughta show him! His supervisor was suspended for 20 days, because when you fall asleep at your job, it's totally your boss's fault.

As for the caller, she eventually got help, and we quote, "when she called another 911 agency." What? Like who, the A-Team? Spencer for Hire? Seriously, we're asking.

#3.
Michigan 911 Operator Does Not Take Kindly to F-Bombs

People react to stress in various ways. Some people overeat, some people get throw-up drunk and some people curse like sailors when their 911 calls aren't answered in a timely manner. Understandable reactions, all of them, but be advised, depending on who answers your distress call, dropping the occasional f-bomb could have unintended consequences. Adrianne Ledesma of Lincoln Park, Michigan learned this lesson the hard way.

We're not quite sure where Lincoln Park is, but as this news story detailing her encounter with an easily offended 911 operator points out, residents there make over 14,000 911 calls each year. Based on those numbers, we're going to take a wild guess and say it's somewhere near Detroit.


Google Maps thinks so too!

In light of that, it's no surprise that when Adrianne Ledesma called 911, it took a few rings before someone was able to answer. After calling once and getting no answer, she hung up and called again. This time, it once again rang several times before anyone answered. Understandably frustrated, Ledesma blurted out "what the fuck?!" as the phone was ringing.

Because 911 calls begin recording before they are even answered, somehow, the operator on the other end heard the foul language. When Ledesma advised that she needed an ambulance and gave her address, the operator got right to the important business at hand: scolding the girl for cursing.

The teen responded to this ill-timed lecture the same way most any of us would.

Having apparently never been subjected to such unseemly behavior in his life, the 20-year veteran of the Lincoln Park Police Department on the other end of the call got things back on a more professional course by hanging up on the caller.

We're not emergency response professionals, but we maybe would have asked what the problem was before disconnecting the call. In case you're curious, the girl's father was on the floor having a seizure.

But the fun didn't stop there. After the teen called back, the officer continued on the moral highroad by asking if she was going to swear again before adding a nice pot-calling-the-kettle-black moment when he called her "a stupid ass."


Classy!

Again, so taken back at the thought of a frantic teen having the audacity to curse, the officer still didn't ask what she was calling about and disconnected the call. This display of pointless bickering even continued through a third call in which the officer called her "a buffoon." It should go without saying that she was hung up on that time also.

So, What Happened?

There's good news and there is bad news. On the bright side, Officer Friendly finally did put in the call for help, although he was still unable to tell them exactly what they were being dispatched for. In keeping with his FCC like devotion to family friendly emergencies, he made sure to bring up the cursing when putting in the call.

Also, the father lived. As for the bad news, after her trifecta of failed attempts at summoning help for her ailing father, Adrianne Ledesma drove to the police station. Naturally, she was especially irate by this point. Because his douchebag meter goes well past 11, the officer she had been talking to came out and asked if she was the foul-mouthed girl he had been speaking to. When she acknowledged that she was, he immediately arrested her and charged her with "abusing 911," a charge that, according to the news story, doesn't actually exist.

The officer got off with a two-week unpaid suspension and "training." To whomever is in charge of his training, yeah, good luck with that.

#2.
Milwaukee 911 Operator Has No Patience for Woman Being Beaten

As anyone who has inadvertently done it before knows, a funny thing happens if you call 911 and just hang up. At the very least, they'll call you back in an effort to find out what the fuck you're up to. If you don't answer that call back, there is an excellent chance you'll have police at your door in a matter of moments. Then, one thing leads to another, and all of the sudden you're spending four hours answering questions about the stable of farm animals and midgets you keep behind your office.

But enough about that until our lawyers are present, we're here to talk about 911 calls, and as shitty emergency response service goes, this call is pretty fucking awful. A Milwaukee woman called 911 to report that her boyfriend was beating her in front of her children. Unfortunately, the deed was going down in real time, leaving the woman a bit preoccupied.

As you can see in the video, upon hearing a frantic, screaming woman on the other end of the phone, the 911 operator attempted to get the woman to speak to him... by threatening to hang up if she didn't stop being beaten and attend to the matter at hand.

We guess we could live with that if the chicanery ended there. But it gets much worse. Remember when we mentioned hanging up on 911 and ending up with police at your door? That may not happen every time, but call 911 with full-fledged spousal abuse going on in the background and 99 times out of 100, someone is coming to find you. It takes some seriously shitty luck (or excellent luck if you're the person handing out the beating) to have your call answered by that one out of 100 911 operator who sees no cause for alarm upon hearing a woman screaming amongst a room full of children.


Pictured: no reason to notify police.

But that's exactly what happened. Rather than just accepting blood curdling screams as an acceptable alternative to a detailed description of the horrors that are afoot, the operator pulled one of the biggest dick moves in the history of dick moves, and told the woman to call back when she was ready to talk.

So, What Happened?

Well, like the picture above shows, the dude just hung up. The story we linked to doesn't give any specifics on what happened to the woman, but we take heart in knowing that, if she lived to complain about it, she at least wasn't killed. No thanks to the 911 operator, of course. As for him, the county sheriff recommended that the operator be fired. And by "fired" hopefully they meant "beaten while the police ignore his cries."

#1.
Texas 911 Operator Offers to Shoot Tween

OK, we'll go ahead and say it: When a Texas woman called 911 to report that her 12-year-old daughter was out of control, it may not have been the greatest use of an emergency line. You have to admit though, it is kind of a gray area. What kind of kid are we talking about? In this case, the woman states the kid is the same size as she is. What if the woman calling looks like this?


Nice tits lady!

That makes for one big kid and, at the very least, an incredibly fair fight. When you factor in that the woman was fresh off a long day at work and has probably slowed with age, we may even put our money on the grotesquely oversized tween. Whatever the case may be, the woman clearly felt like she needed some help, so she called for that very thing, help.

What she did not call for was comedy, but that's exactly what she got. After explaining that her 12-year-old was out of control, the 911 operator fired back with, quite possibly, the most ill-advised joke this side of Don Imus.

Yeah, you read the above image correctly. The 911 operator asked if he should send someone over to shoot the kid. If you find that funny, that's because it totally is, provided you aren't the person calling for help. Naturally, the woman didn't board the laugh train with the rest of us.

So, What Happened?

What happened? A lot less than you would expect. The woman filed a complaint, which didn't amount to anything more than the operator receiving two letters of reprimand. We have no info on whether she ever subdued her musclebound tween, unfortunately.

Original here