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Saturday, December 13, 2008

Cat and £30,000 in cash left on trains

By Matthew Moore

Cat and £30,000 in cash left on trains
A pet cat was among the unusual things left on trains by commuters

A wedding dress, an antique typewriter and a wheelchair were other odd items of lost property mislaid on seats and in carriages by absent-minded passengers.

In total more than 6,000 items were handed in to rail firm CrossCountry in 2008, with mobile phones, books and umbrellas the most frequently forgotten objects.

The cat, called Holly, was left on a service in the Bristol area but later reunited with its owner.

Staff said the £30,000 of used banknotes were discovered in a green holdall and handed in to station staff to try and track down the owner.

Costly items including MP3 players, laptops and jewellery made the top 10 list of most common lost property, and travellers have been warned to check they have left nothing behind before getting off trains.

Andy Cooper, managing director at CrossCountry, said: "People leave all sorts of items on trains and this year we have found some very unusual ones, including baby buggies, shoes, designer handbags, cricket bats and even a wedding dress.

"We always advise passengers to check their seats and the areas around them when leaving a train, especially at busy times, to ensure that they have all their belongings with them."

CrossCountry runs several rail lines spanning the country, with services connecting Aberdeen, Penzance, Stansted Airport and Cardiff.

The top ten items left behind on CrossCountry trains were:

1 Mobile phones

2 Books

3 Umbrellas

4 Bags (handbags, hand luggage, briefcase etc)

5 iPod / MP3 players

6 Glasses

7 Carrier bags / shopping

8 Laptops

9 Jewellery

10 Wallets / purses

Original here

Woman 'pregnant' with monkey convicted of smuggling

(CNN) -- A Washington woman who hid a sedated monkey under her blouse on a flight from Thailand was convicted of violating wildlife laws for smuggling the monkey into the United States, prosecutors said Tuesday.

Authorities rescued the monkey from Gypsy Lawson's fake womb.

Authorities rescued the monkey from Gypsy Lawson's fake womb.

Gypsy Lawson, 28, and her mother, Fran Ogren, 56, were convicted of smuggling and conspiracy to smuggle the monkey in violation of the Endangered Species Act and other federal laws.

Lawson hid the young rhesus macaque monkey under a loose-fitting blouse on a flight from Bangkok, Thailand, to Los Angeles, California, International Airport, pretending she was pregnant, the U.S. Attorneys Office for the Eastern District of Washington said.

Permits are required to possess rhesus monkeys and many other species of animals. Such permits are granted for research, enhancement and conservation purposes. Additionally, transporting such species into the United States requires a customs declaration. Lawson and Ogren had neither.

"These defendants purposely undertook a course of action which could well have endangered many citizens, as well as the life of the animal in question," said U.S. Attorney James McDevitt.

Rhesus monkeys are known to carry viruses and parasites that can be transmitted to humans, said Paul Chang, a U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service agent.

"This particular animal tested negative," he said.

Chang said the monkey has been placed with a rescue center for abandoned primates, "but it could have been living out its life with its family in its native habitat."

Authorities found journals and handwritten notes describing the mother and daughter's attempts to find a monkey small enough to smuggle back to the United States. The journal also described the pair's "acquisition of a small monkey and their experimenting with different medicines to sedate the monkey for their journey home," McDevitt's office said.

Authorities also found photographs of Lawson at two airports and on an airplane in which she is wearing loose-fitting clothing and appears to be pregnant.

"The journal confirms that she and her mother smuggled the monkey into the United States by hiding it under her shirt, pretending she was pregnant in order to get past authorities," the statement from McDevitt's office said.

Co-defendant James Edward Pratt, 34, already has pleaded guilty to misdemeanor charges of possession and transportation of prohibited wildlife. He will be sentenced in January.

Sentencing for Lawson and Ogren is scheduled for March 3, 2009. The smuggling conviction carries a maximum sentence of 20 years in prison, a $250,000 fine and up to three years of court supervision after release. The conspiracy charge carries a maximum of five years in prison, a $250,000 fine and up to three years of court supervision after release.

Flight itineraries show the pair flew from Spokane, Washington, to Bangkok on November 4-5, 2007, with stops in Seattle, Washington, and Inchon, South Korea. They returned on a direct flight from Bangkok to Los Angeles, California, on November 28, 2007.

Original here

Visa CEO loses his credit cards

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Imagine running the world's largest credit card network, and not having your own plastic.

That's what happened to Visa Inc Chief Executive Joseph Saunders.

He spoke Thursday morning at a Goldman Sachs financial services conference in New York, and had come from San Francisco, Visa's headquarters.

Unfortunately, his credit cards didn't make the trip.

"I'm supposed to start off, and say that I'm very happy to be here, and I guess I am. But it's 4:15 in the morning as far as I'm concerned, and I lost my wallet on the way here," Saunders said. "It's rather embarrassing when somebody steals my credit cards." The comment prompted laughter.

Saunders began his presentation at 7:15 a.m EST.

Saunders did not elaborate. Visa did not immediately return a call seeking further comment.

Original here

Pictured: Schoolboy archer survives after friend shoots an arrow through his eye

By Daily Mail Reporter

A schoolboy archer cheated death after he was shot through the eye by a friend.

The arrow went through 11-year-old Liu Cheong's eye socket, completely through his head and was only stopped by the back of his skull.

He only survived because the arrow had miraculously missed his brain.

arrow in head

Stricken: Liu Cheong can be seen lying on a hospital bed after the arrow went straight through his eye socket

Surgeons spent four hours removing the 16in arrow which had sunk more than four inches into the boy's head. They had to break off part of it just to get him in the CT scanner.

The teammate who shot him - a 13-year-old girl called Yan Shin - is being treated for shock.

Teachers at Jiutai City school in China said they believed the youngsters were practicing on their own when the accident happened.

arrow in head

Escape: The 16inch arrow had sunk more than four inches into Liu's head

'If the arrow had been shot with just a bit more force, it would have come out the back of his head,' doctors at Jida Hospital in Changchun, eastern China said.

After brain scans and x-rays, doctors began to cut away parts of his skull to remove the arrow without damaging optic nerves or brain tissue.

His parents have been warned he still faces a risk of infection and may need further operations.

'It is a miracle he survived the accident,' said one medic.

Original here

Michael Jackson's famous glittery glove for sale

By SANDY COHEN, AP Entertainment Writer

In this Sept. 7, 2001 file photo, Michael Jackson sports his trademark glove as AP – In this Sept. 7, 2001 file photo, Michael Jackson sports his trademark glove as he performs 'Billie Jean' …

LOS ANGELES – Michael Jackson's glittery glove is going on the auction block. The glove, which inspired countless copycats, quips and Halloween costumes after it was unveiled in the 1983 video for Jackson's hit "Billie Jean," will be part of a five-day auction next year, Julien's Auctions announced Wednesday.

Jackson is also unloading the grandiose gates that once led to his Neverland Ranch, along with more than 2,000 other personal items.

The King of Pop's possessions will be on display before the auction begins on April 21, 2009. Bids will be accepted in person and online. The sale is to be broadcast live on Auction Network.

Jackson plans to donate a portion of the proceeds to MusiCares, a charitable organization founded by the Recording Academy to help musicians in need.

The singer has been plagued by financial woes since he was acquitted of child-molestation charges in 2003. He went into default on his sprawling Neverland property earlier this year, before an investment company bought the loan. Last month, Jackson's lawyers reached a settlement in a $7 million breach-of-contract case brought by a Bahraini sheik.

As Jackson marked his milestone 50th birthday in August, the reclusive star hinted that he would be back to work eventually.

"(I'm) looking forward to doing a lot of great things," he told ABC News. "I think the best is yet to come in my true humble opinion."

Original here


Women find happiness is not about the economy, stupid

LONDON (Reuters) - Men are happier with money, while women find greater joy in friendships and relationships with their children, co-workers and bosses, a new global survey reveals.

The online survey of 28,153 people in more than 51 countries by global marketing and information firm Nielsen found that as the world grapples with a recession and financial markets remain volatile, many people are reminding themselves that money can't buy happiness.

The Nielsen Happiness Study found that globally, women are happier than men in 48 of the 51 countries surveyed in April 2008, and only in Brazil, South Africa and Vietnam were men found to be happier than women.

"Because they are happier with non-economic factors, women's happiness is more recession-proof which might explain why women around the world are happier in general than men are," Nielsen Vice President of Consumer Research Bruce Paul said in a statement.

Japanese women reported the greatest difference and are 15 percent happier than Japanese men. Women are also more optimistic about the future, scoring higher than men on predictions of their happiness in the next six months.

Women were also more content with their sex lives, although men were generally happier with their spouses, the study found. Japanese and New Zealand women reported the greatest difference in satisfaction with their sex lives.

Men are generally happier with their physical health than women, and this is especially pronounced in South Africa. Egypt bucks the trend, with women rating their happiness with their health considerably higher than men.

Globally, men rated their happiness with their mental health higher than women. This was echoed in Belgium, South Korea, Mexico, Norway, Spain, Sweden, Egypt, and Israel.

There are three main drivers of happiness globally, according to the study: personal financial situation, mental health and job/career. Being satisfied with your partner is also important for happiness.

As well as gauging levels of happiness, the Nielsen survey examined what specific factors contributed to happiness around the world.

"Happiness is a local and personal matter and Nielsen sought to uncover what specific factors contribute to making people happy in different parts of the world," Paul said. "Many of the world's poorer and emerging markets outranked developed countries for happiness and satisfaction levels in nearly all aspects of their lives."

Globally, Lithuanians and Indonesians are most reliant on their personal financial situation and job for happiness, while South Africans and Venezuelans ranked the least dependent on money for their happiness, the survey found.

Nielsen also looked closely at survey results to find out if a nation's happiness level was influenced by low income inequality, low corruption or peace. Surprisingly, markets which performed poorly on these factors were in many cases the happiest nations, Paul said.

"For consumers in rapidly developing markets, there could be a greater sense of appreciation for things that bring a better life than they had a few years ago."

Original here

Woman returns $100K found at restaurant

By Doug Davis, The (Murfreesboro, Tenn.) Daily News Journal

Billie Watts, left, pictured with her grandson, Michael Peralta, found $97,000 in a Cracker Barrel restroom and made sure the money was returned the to its owner.
Family photo via The (Murfreesboro, Tenn.) Daily News Journal
Billie Watts, left, pictured with her grandson, Michael Peralta, found $97,000 in a Cracker Barrel restroom and made sure the money was returned the to its owner.

MURFREESBORO, Tenn. — A Murfreesboro, Tenn., woman chose not to follow the old saying "Finders keepers, losers weepers" when she discovered nearly $100,000 in a bag at a local Cracker Barrel restaurant. But it wasn't that the thought didn't cross her mind.

"Satan will tempt you," said Billie Watts, 75. "I have been having real bad teeth problems. I thought, 'I'll get my teeth fixed.' "

She ultimately decided to return the money she found in a bag in the women's restroom to its rightful owner.

Watts had to be coaxed by Michael Peralta, one of her 12 grandchildren, to tell her story.

"I'm proud of her because if anyone in the world deserved to find $97,000 it was them," Peralta, 31, said of his grandparents, who live in an apartment and depend on their Social Security checks.

The excitement began when Watts stopped by the Cracker Barrel Old Country Store with her husband, Malcolm, Thursday afternoon. In the bathroom, she found a tapestry bag hanging on a hook on one of the stall doors.

"It had a Manila envelope that was sticking out of the bag," she said. "It couldn't zip up; it was too full."

She searched the bag for the identity of its owner. Inside the envelope was a picture of two women and a child, but no names. Then she spotted the money.

"I said 'Oh my goodness,' " Watts recalled Monday. "I have never seen that much money in my whole life. I counted the money. There was $97,000 in one-thousand-dollar bills. They were neatly stacked inside the bag. "

Watts decided to leave the restaurant with the money.

"I was afraid to go to the counter," she said. "Maybe the wrong person could get ahold of it."

After the couple returned home, Watts called the Cracker Barrel restaurant.

"I told them I found something in the bathroom. I just left my number and asked them to call me."

In 10 to 15 minutes, a woman called.

"I knew it was the right person when she called. She identified the picture, the envelope and the money," said Watts. "I met her in front of the Cracker Barrel about 15 to 20 minutes after she called me."

In the restaurant's parking lot, the woman who left the money got out of her car and approached Watts.

"She run up and hugged me. She got excited and didn't even look at the bag except to pull out the picture to show it to me," said Watts. "She said it was the only picture she had of her daughter and her daughter's child, who are both deceased."

The money, the woman told Watts, was the proceeds from the sale of her home and all the belongings in it.

"She was going to start her new life in Florida with her son," said Watts.

The woman offered to pay Watts $1,000, but Watts refused it.

"(The woman) told me she needed every penny she could to start over," said Watts. "(The money) wasn't mine. I had no right to it. My mom and dad told me never to take anything that didn't belong to me."

Original here


5 Real Bank Heists Ripped Right Out of the Movies

By Dan Seitz


Bank heists in the movies are generally awesome but they also seem improbable, at best. Secret tunnels? Manipulating the police? Burning cars? Commando gear?

Come on, this crap doesn't happen in real life!

Does it?

#5.
Norwegians Go Commando on the NOKAS Cash Center

Monday, April 2004. If you were a cop in Stavenger, a small town in Norway, your first hint that it might not be a normal day was probably the burning car blocking your way to the parking garage.


"Oh, it's going to be one of THOSE days."

And if you were working at the handling center for NOKAS, the central cash processing system for Norway's banks, your first hint was the eleven guys piling out of vans in black body armor and goggles toting machine guns.

Despite having the classic setup of a heist gone wrong, the thieves still managed to get away and kill a police officer in the process. Cop killing isn't a common occurrence in Norway meaning that, when caught, the robbers were going get the closest thing to prison rape that the Norwegian judicial system could legally administer. Then later, of course, literal prison rape.

The Take:

65 million Norwegian kroner, about $10 million dollars.

The Takedown:

The Norwegian judicial system doesn't dick around, even if their prison guards are shit scared of the perps. The men involved, thirteen in all, were captured and convicted in March 2006 in a case that cost more to prosecute (160 million kroner) as what the guys actually stole. They were sentenced to a total of 181 years in prison, and then, in June 2007, the court decided that wasn't enough; so they went back and made the sentences tougher. The moral of the story? Don't fuck with Norwegians.

#4.
Germans Pull a Fast One with Hostages

June, 1995. Four masked men burst into a Berlin bank with pistols and shotguns, and took sixteen hostages. Half an hour later, they sent one hostage out with a typewritten note: They wanted a getaway car, a helicopter and 17 million deutchemarks (about $12.2 million in 1995 dollars). After negotiations, 5 million marks were delivered at 9:30pm as a down payment. Then? Nothing.

Finally, at around 4am, a commando team heroically burst in, heroically surveyed the now-empty room, and heroically uttered, "Oh, fuck me."

Turns out the robbers weren't counting on that getaway car and helicopter they demanded. Instead, they dug a 384-foot tunnel to the vault, ransacked it and had split hours earlier. Just to add insult to injury, when the police followed the tunnel, they found it ended in a garage... inside the area the police had cordoned off, where they were examining every vehicle coming and going. Just another testament to the superior police forces of Western Germany: This never would have happened if the Stasi were still around.

The Take:

All told, around 12 million marks (approximately $10 million US). Nobody knows for sure because the thieves raided safety deposit boxes, so authorities remain uncertain about the contents, which could have been anything from jewels to the much more precious and rare nude photos of Bea Arthur.


"Wait, you want what?"-Cracked Photoshop Department.

The Takedown:

All the men involved were eventually captured and convicted , although most of the money has never been recovered and most of the criminals involved are already out of jail. Somehow, we suspect that money's going to magically turn up at whatever tropical island nation doesn't have an extradition treaty with Germany.

#3.
Swedes Re-Enact "Die Hard" at the Local Post Office

In January 2008, several Swedish men stormed a mail processing center in Gotenberg. The heist itself was pretty undramatic: They walked in, waved around a bunch of rifles and got the employees to easily surrender.

The real fun is in the getaway, which brings new meaning to the phrase "cover your ass." They planted five "suspicious devices," helpfully spray-painted "BOMB" in English at local police stations and around the post office itself.


Source.

They set fire to several cars along the escape route. And if THAT wasn't enough, they also left behind a bunch of nice presents for anybody chasing them, in the form of road spikes.

In the resulting chaos they triggered, they got away easily. Hans Gruber must be envious.

The Take:

Nothing, as far as we know. According to the Gotenberg police, nothing of any value was stolen from the processing center, as if they were so caught up in the excitement surrounding their brilliant "bomb" idea they forgot to actually rob anything.

The Takedown:

The police apparently have no suspects and are baffled at the motive. We suspect somebody just didn't feel like waiting for their package from Amazon.com to get through the Swedish postal system.

#2.
Florist Digs Up More Than Flowers in Brazil

Everyone liked Paulo Sergio de Souza. Nice guy, smiled at everybody, always cheerful, had lots of pretty plants in his florist shop. Of course, he was probably happy because he was stealing millions right under everyone's noses.

Over the course of three months, Souza and his gang dug a tunnel more than 200 feet long right underneath the branch of Brazil's Central Bank, all the time using the florist's shop as a front to truck away the soil. On August 6th, they slammed some energy drinks and busted through the main vault's central floor, swiping five containers of 50-real notes (nearly 3.5 tons of cash).


"When we get to the surface, the first guy who makes a joke about flowers sprouting up gets shot in the face."

They swiped the dignity and professional reputation of Brazil's most important monetary authority as a nice bonus. You see, the bank had decided that the theft risks were so minimal they didn't bother to insure these containers. The crooks pulled this off on a weekend so nobody noticed until that Monday morning. The bills were used, so they were non-sequential and there was no way of tracking the money. Oh, and the bank's security cameras weren't even hooked up to a VCR, so a) they had no record of the theft and b) Brazil has the dumbest banks on the planet. The only line of defense that might have actually worked were the motion detectors in the vault, which the crooks managed to avoid setting off.

The Take:

$164 million in Brazilian reals, $78 million US.

The Takedown:

Pretty much immediately after the robbery was finished, it all went to hell. Several of the suspects have been kidnapped, ransomed and then killed, some have been arrested, and still others remain at large. Along with most of the money: only $9 million of it has ever been recovered. Something tells us Sergio is still out there, and still smilin'.

#1.
The Inner Tube Bandit

Twelve guys showed up across the street of the Bank of America in Monroe, WA, on October 1st. They'd answered a Craigslist ad for road contractors, and were told to show up in very specific attire: goggles, respirator masks, yellow safety vests and a blue workshirt. While they were standing around, wondering where the boss was, a thirteenth guy in the same outfit, lugging a pump sprayer, was walking into the bank across the street, just behind the security guard unloading the armored truck. Little did the guard know that he was about to reenact The Thomas Crown Affair.

Sure, you might think he was just spraying for roaches, but you don't generally do that with mace. The thief hosed down the guard and grabbed a bag of cash... and here's where it gets fun.

The crook sprinted 100 yards past his decoys to a creek that feeds into the Skykomish River, peeling off his disguise and leaving twelve very confused contractors in his wake. Then he leapt into the creek with his getaway vehicle: an inner tube.


"Weeeeee!"

Police recovered the inner tube about 200 yards from where he entered the water and are pretty sure he had an accomplice waiting in a boat. What they didn't recover was any sense of dignity after getting clowned by a guy who watched a Pierce Brosnan movie one too many times. They'll be better at keeping an eye out next time if someone ever tries to rob the bank disguised as an eccentric hit man with a mustache. Or tries to ski down an avalanche, or something. Or some joke about some other shitty Pierce Brosnan movie.

Original here

30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

  • By Entertainment Mog

playboy-logo-194x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

It was recently announced that Christie Hefner, daughter of Hugh Hefner, will be stepping down as the CEO of Playboy in January 2009.

So, do you know what that means?!?!

Someone NEW gets to be the CEO of Playboy! Here is a list of those who we think would be great front runner candidates for the job as new CEO for Playboy.

1. Jerry Yang

jerry-yang-300x201 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy Who is Jerry Yang? Yang is the co-founder and CEO of Yahoo!, a multi-service website with email services, a search engine, clubs, chat services, news, and more. He recently made an announcement that he will stand down as CEO.

Why the CEO for Playboy? Jerry can only go up. After making the wrong call on a decision that literally costs billions of dollars and losing his job, the guy can only go up. Have you ever SEEN the stuff that goes on with Yahoo Chat? He’s completely prepared for a little soft core porn.

Secondly, this could be a new generation for Playboy. Yang could help them go high tech. You would be able to get the Playmate of the Month on your start page and chat with the Playmates. There could also be special clubs and forums starring the Playmates. He’s already got ins with other search companies for cutting deals.
Odds: 5 to 1 (that his balls are, indeed, as big as he demonstrates above)

2. Holly Madison

holly-madison2-207x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Holly Madison?

Madison is one of the Playmates and costar of Hugh Hefner’s “The Girls Next Door” series on the E! Channel. Holly Madison not only appeared on the cover (and inside) Playboy magazine in November 2005, but also was on Playboy’s website as Cyber Girl of the Week in 2003.

Why the CEO for Playboy?
Who better to run Playboy than one of the Playmates?

She’s been a fixture in the mansion and the business for the past few years and knows how the company works. She has attended some college and knows the innerworkings of what keeps Playboy running. Now that she’s out of the mansion, it may be time to get her into the boardroom

Odds: 10 to 1 (that Cris Angel magically convinces her that he should be in charge instead)

3. Joe Rogan

joe-rogan-206x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Joe Rogan? Comedian, actor, and television personality Joe Rogan has been famous in show business since about 1995 when he was cast in the television sitcom “News Radio”. In 2001, he began a variety of different things such as hosting NBC’s “Fear Factor” and co-hosting Comedy Central’s “The Man Show“. His other huge road to fame is the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) circuit where he is a commentator for the sport and now hosts “UFC Wired”.

Why the CEO for Playboy? Joe would give an entire new dimension to Playboy. If Playboy is looking for something different and a new marketing strategy, then Joe’s your man. How about the UFP (Ultimate Fighting Playmate)? It would be awesome! They’d have to be naked, of course. After all, it’s Playboy. You may think it’s sexy, but things could get hairy from time to time, with ears and cotton tails flying all over the place.
Odds: 30 to 1 (that Joe can get Holly to tap with a rear naked choke.)

4. Eliott Spitzer

elliott-spitzer-300x225 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Elliott Spitzer? Elliott Spitzer is a lawyer and former Governor for New York. On March 17, 2008, he resigned as governor due to his involvement as a client in an upscale prostitution ring.

Why the CEO for Playboy? With an undergraduate degree from Princeton and law degree from Harvard, Spitzer is well educated and was seen a great leader until his prostitution scandal. With Spitzer’s biggest weakness being scantily clad women, he should thrive in the Playboy environment. It would also be a great place for him to rebuild his reputation as a leader and an innovator.

I’m thinking he has a good shot if he remembers to keep his pants on and his black socks off. We KNOW Eliot can spot talent.
Odds: 40 to 1(that he gets cut last minute for not taking his black socks off before a threesome)

5. Dana White

dana-white-300x199 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Dana White? Dana White is the President of UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship). He has a background as an aerobics instructor and also a background in martial arts.

Why the CEO for Playboy? Getting past the obvious UFC/Playboy images that are going through your head, Dana White is a leader and an amazing business man. Rolling Stone has even said, “Dana White, president of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, may soon be hailed as the greatest sports promoter ever, of all time, bigger even than boxing’s Don King.” Dana White took dying sport that was illegal in 36 states and turned into a money making machine. Imagine what he could do with Playboy if he got his hands on it.

Wouldn’t it be a cool marketing strategy to organize UFC-type fights with the Playmates? The last one standing could be the Playmate of the month. Or even better yet, market it to the public and see how many men would like to fight (or wrestle) with a Playmate.

He’s got a pretty sweet gig, so he’s a long shot, but hot girls beats sweaty dudes any day of the week hands down.
Odds: 50 to 1(that he let’s Junie Browning be the Vice President of Operations)

6. Ellen DeGeneres

ellen-degeneres-225x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

ellen-degenres 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Ellen DeGeneres?

Ellen is a successful stand up comedienne, actress, talk show host, and television personality. She is currently most famous for her talk show “The Ellen DeGeneres Show“. Though she’s done countless things to make her famous in show biz, she’s probably best known for how much she likes the ladies.

Why the CEO for Playboy?

Okay, it’s true that Ellen may have no idea what a man likes, but she sure knows what’s sexy in a woman. You have to admit, she has good taste in women.

Odds: 60 to 1 (that she will continue to allow men in the mansion)

7. Ron Jeremy

ron-jeremy-221x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Ron Jeremy? Ron Jeremy is a former pornographic actor. Though he has been in non-pornographic films, he’s best known for his porn films, and having a member large enough to warrant it’s own spot on the list.

Why the CEO for Playboy? Ron has more experience in the adult industry than anyone on this list. He knows what works and he may be exactly what Playboy needs, another high profile high energy, well respected leader. Move over Hef, here comes Ron (no pun intended - sorry for the mental).

Ron Jeremy has already been in the porn industry and has gotten a lot of attention and notoriety. Also, I don’t know about you, but the ladies might really take a liking to him. It could be good for morale around the Playboy mansion.

Odds: 100 to 1 (that the hedgehog will be trimming bushes at the mansion)

8. Ron Paul

ron-paul-300x200 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Ron Paul? Ron Paul is a United Stated Congressman from Texas. He also has written books and ran for the President of the United States.

Why the CEO for Playboy? I think Playboy could really promote the “All-American Girl” thing with Ron Paul as their CEO. You can’t get much more patriotic than a Congressman. Do you think it’ll matter that he’s a Republican?

Ron was also on the House Banking Committee and is not afraid to stand up for what is right. Playboy could use Ron Paul’s experience in understanding how to fix faltering financial institutions.
Odds: 1000 to 1(that he moves to LA post politics)

9. Sean Combs

puff-daddy-240x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Sean Combs? It’s Puff Daddy! Okay, so he was originally known to us as Puff Daddy. He has since changed his stage name to P. Diddy, and now it’s just “Diddy“. Combs is a rapper, record producer, actor, men’s fashion designer, and entrepreneur.

Why the CEO for Playboy?

Love him or hate him, you have to admit that Diddy is a marketing genius. He owns Bad Boy Entertainment Worldwide which owns Bad Boy Records, a movie production company and 2 restaurants. He is a writer, producer, actor, and clothing designer. He has turned remaking old songs into a $340 Million+ empire. If anybody can turn Playboy into a media monster and return it to its glory day, its Diddy, or Puffy, or P or whatever the hell he’s going by now.

If “The Hef” thinks that Playboy could use a new look, then Puff Daddy might just be the person to do it. We already know that he’s capable of successfully marketing entertainment. He would jazz up Playboy and make it more hip for the 21st century. He’d give the Playboy mansion a little more style and maybe even orchestrate a rap number with the Playmates in it. He could also orchestrate a photo shoot called “Nothin’ but Bling” where the girls are wearing just that - nothin’ but bling.
Odds: 10 to 1 (that he can throw a better party at the mansion)

10. Mark Cuban

mark-cuban-300x214 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of PlayboyWho is Mark Cuban? Mark Cuban is an entrepreneur, a billionaire, owner of the Dallas Mavericks (an NBA basketball team), and chairman of HDNet and HDTV Cable Network. There is usually some sort of controversy going on with him because of his criticism, mainly of the referees in the NBA. He’s been fined repeatedly for these incidents. Though it may sound like he’s an ass, Cuban stated that he matches each fine with a charitable donation.

Why the CEO for Playboy? Not only does Mark Cuban own the Dallas Mavericks, which means we could have Playmates for cheerleaders but he is an incredible successful businessman. A working class guy from Pittsburgh, after being fired from one of his first real jobs out of college Cuban built up and sold his first company for $2M. Cuban then took the $2M he netted from selling his first company into $2.8 billion (what he retained after Yahoo bought his second company Broadcast.com). Now if he could have that kind of return with Playboy, the shareholders would sure to be impressed. No, Cuban doesn’t really need the money from Playboy, but the chance to surround himself with playmates may be a big enough sell to get him on board.
Odds: 20 to 1(that he trades the magazine to Cleveland to get Lebron on the Mavericks)

11. Anne Sweeney

anne-sweeney-300x210 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Anne Sweeney? Sweeney is the co-Chair of the Disney Media Network ABC-Disney Television Group. This group includes ABC Television Network, ABC News, ABC Daytimes, ABC Sports, ABC Entertainment, ABC Studios, ABC Family, The Disney Channel, Toon Disney, SOAPnet, and Jetix.

Why the CEO for Playboy? Breaking away from Disney and being the sole chair person would be a great challenge for Sweeney. She’s helped to produce hit television shows and build up the ABC network into a powerhouse. Imagine what she could do for Playboy! Turning that company around and returning it to its former glory would be an ever greater accomplishment than getting people to watch ABC. How did that happen again? At the end of the day, Disney is “The Happiest Place on Earth”. What do you think the Playboy mansion is? “The Happiest Place on Earth” if you’re a guy of course.
Odds: 1000 to 1(that Minnie Mouse ever poses as a Sweeney-era centerfold)

12. Arnold Schwarzenegger

arnold-schwarzenegger-220x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Arnold Schwarzenegger? Well, first of all, we all know Arnold, but here’s the lowdown on him anyway. Currently the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger (an Austrian native) was a body builder, actor, businessman and now a politician. His acting career is well known as he starred in huge hits such as “Conan the Barbarian” and the “Terminator” movie series. In November 2003, Schwarzenegger took office as the Governor of California.

Why the CEO for Playboy? Arnold Schwarzenegger seems to be a success at anything that he does, so this would be a good move for Playboy. As far as what’s in it for Arnold, well let’s see. He’s from Austria. He comes to this country, becomes an actor, marries a Kennedy, and becomes governor of the state of California. He’s living the epitome of the American Dream. There’s only one thing missing from his dream - Playboy!
Odds: 2000 to 1 (that Skynet takes control of the bunnies)

13. Bret Michaels

bret-michaels-300x198 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

bret-michaels1 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboybret-michaels 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of PlayboyWho is Bret Michaels? Musician and television personality Bret Michaels was first well known to us as the lead singer of the rock band “Poison”. However, starting on July 15, 2007, Bret debuted as the star of a reality show called “Rock of Love” where 25 sluts women compete to win Bret Michaels’ heart. The show has already gone through 2 seasons and the third is to air on January 4, 2009.

Why the CEO for Playboy? Bret Michaels would be perfect for this. You could have a new reality show called “Rock of Love - Playboy Edition” where the Playboy modes compete for Bret Michaels’ love and to be “Playmate of the Year”.
Odds: 200 to 1 (that Brett sings “Talk Dirty to Me” to a 12 playmates per year)

14. Carly Fiorina

carly-fiorina-215x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Carly Fiorina? In short, Fiorina is a successful financial consultant and business woman. She was formerly the vice-president at AT&T and organized the initial public offering of Lucent Technologies (a company made up of AT&T, Bell Labs, and Western Electric). Fiorina is also the former CEO of Hewlett Packard and was more recently an economic advisor for presidential candidate John McCain.

Why the CEO for Playboy? I think it’s time that Fiorina orchestrated a new “initial public offering” involving Playboy. Just the subject gets your mouth watering, doesn’t it? With all of her experience with technology and telecommunication, I think it’s time to bring back AT&T’s old tagline “Reach out and touch someone”, only in Playboy style.

Odds: 4000 to 1 (that she rolls out iPhone and BlackBerry Apps so men can better read the articles within a month)

15. Courtney Love

courtney-love-192x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Courtney Love?

Rock musician and actress Courtney Love is most famous for being the lead singer of the alternative rock group “Hole” as well as being famous for bad behavior and the short term marriage to Kurt Cobain. Love went through a bout of drugs that sent her on a downward spiral. After rehab, she has been producing songs that have an anti-drug message.

Why the CEO for Playboy?

The number one reason Courtney Love would make a good CEO for Playboy is the publicity. There’s a lot of it surrounding that girl. If her rehabilitation sticks, Playboy could go with an anti-drug theme with the Playmates and if it doesn’t, then Love could give Playboy a whole new kind of “bad girl” image.

Odds: 1,000,000 to 1 (that she bans all drugs at the mansion)

16. Joe Francis

joe-francis-272x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Joe Francis?

In 1997, Joe Francis started a company called Mantra Films Inc. and began his new business in marketing girls acting in a provocative manner at Mardi Gras and Spring Break. All men are intrigued by this. Who isn’t? Joe Francis is the one that had the bright idea to film and market it. He would soon be the founder and CEO of “Girls Gone Wild“.

Why the CEO for Playboy? I guess the better question would be “why not?” He made “Girls Gone Wild” a huge success. He obviously knows how to market naked women. This is a chance for Joe to move up in the world of nudity and it might be a relaxing break. Playboy girls are tame compared to what he’s used to.
Odds: 20 to 1 (that he will be checking every single ID at the door)

17. Curtis Jackson

50-cent-199x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of PlayboyWho is Curtis Jackson?

You know him better as rapper 50 Cent. Of course, Fitty is a famous rapper who has been on the scene since 1998. Before his career in rap, 50 Cent lives in Queens, NY dealing drugs and running with a gang. However, he redirected his focus to rapping rather than the illegal activities from his past. Along with rapping, 50 Cent has tried his hand in acting, though we still all know him best for his musical career in rap.

Why the CEO for Playboy?

50 Cent is an awesome success story since he came from such a tough background. Though he doesn’t belong to a gang anymore, he still has the tough guy image. It would be a new image for Playboy. He could even publicize it with a headline like “What Goin’ On at Hef’s Crib”. Him, Eminem, and Dr. Dre would make sure that the bills got paid every month.
Odds: 50 to 1 (that he charges girls to pose in the magazine)

18. Daniel Whitney

larry-the-cable-guy-300x214 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Daniel Whitney? You better know standup comic and actor Daniel Whitney as Larry the Cable Guy, a dim-witted redneck. Whitney did a lot of radio comedy in his early days and then went on the road with stand up. With his buddies, he became part of the Blue Collar Comedy crew in the early 1990s. Since then, he continues to be part of the Blue Collar Comedy crew, but also has done stand-up on his own and has been in some movies as well. Whitney is best known for saying (as Larry the Cable Guy) “Git-R-Done”.

Why the CEO for Playboy? Whitney would have so much fun as the CEO for Playboy. Could you imagine the publicity that he would get and the publicity that Playboy would get? I think they’d be good for each other. He could work his new career into his comedy act. And of course the new tag-line for Playboy would be, you guessed it, “Git-R-Done”.
Odds: 100,000 to 1 (that he sings the stockholder’s address as a country song)

19. Gary Kremen

gary-kremen 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Gary Kremen?

Gary Kremen is an American entrepreneur and the founder of match.com, a dating website. He also registered several domain names back in the early days of the Internet such as sex.com, jobs.com, autos.com, and housing.com. He has since sold these domains (for lots of money).

Why the CEO for Playboy?

Kremen could add a new dimension to Playboy and have a personals site with the Playboy models on it. He could call it bunnies.com or hefsbabes.com.


Odds: 500 to 1 (that he has mansion.com registered and a new virtual live at the mansion site ready to flip the switch on)

20. Kent Brownridge

kent-brownridge 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Kent Brownridge?

Kent Brownridge, a businessman is the CEO of “Maxim” and “OK!” magazines. Both of these magazines originated in the United Kingdom, but also have publications throughout the United States.

Why the CEO for Playboy?

We know that Brownridge has experience as a CEO. Also, you figure that he started at a celebrity magazine, then he became the CEO of “Maxim”. Playboy would not only be a step up, but the logical next step.

Odds: 30 to 1 (that he cares to leave Maxim for Playboy)

21. Larry Flynt

larry-flynt-300x225 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Larry Flynt?

Flynt is in the industry of marketing adult porn. What he’s most famous for is producing the Magazine “Hustler”. Flynt is the founder of Larry Flynt Publications and not only produces Hustler Magazine, but also produces pornographic videos.

Why the CEO for Playboy? First and foremost, Flynt has pornographic magazine experience. Secondly, the guy loves his job! The third reason that Flynt would be a good candidate for the new CEO for Playboy is that he would bring a raunchier side to the magazine. More rough, less fluff.
Odds: 5000 to 1 (that he can make Playboy nastier than Hustler)

22. Meg Whitman

meg-whitman-261x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Meg Whitman?

Up until March 2008, Meg Whitman was the CEO of eBay. When she became the CEO, the company only had about 30 employees. She is said to be one of the most successful businesswomen.

Why the CEO for Playboy? Meg Whitman is a brilliant business woman. She helped to build eBay from when it was barely a market place and is in need of a new challenge. Building up Playboy, which actually has a great product to start with would be exciting for her. She also has the background in new technology to understand all the challenges she will be faced with emerging media, AKA ‘people downloading free porn all of the Internet’.
Odds: 5000 to 1 (that she auctions the first centerfold for charity)

23. Oprah Winfrey

oprah-winfrey-225x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Oprah Winfrey? Oprah is a talk show host on the internationally syndicated talk show “Oprah”. Along with her many successes on her talk show, Oprah has dabbled in acting and currently has two magazines in publication, “O, The Oprah Magazine” and “O at Home”.

Why the CEO for Playboy? Oprah is also consistently ranked as one of the world’s most influential women. She co-founded the Oxygen Network which is designed to appeal to women. I think it’s about time she tried to appeal to men and took over Playboy, just as long as she isn’t in Playboy

Oprah would open the sensitive side to Playboy. She might get some of the Playmates to open up about their feelings and troubles. I think that the Playboy mansion would be a very relaxing place if Oprah was the CEO for Playboy. Also, she could publicize her new found title with a new magazine called “O My God” and it would talk about her entry into the pornographic industry.
Odds: 1000 to 1 (that she buys all the Playmates a car and a free book club subscription)

24. Pamela Anderson

pamela-anderson-225x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Pamela Anderson?

Pamela Anderson is an actress, model, and sex symbol. She’s known for her promiscuous attitude. She’s played on television shows such as “Home Improvement”, “Baywatch”, and “V.I.P.”. Perhaps a lot of men know who she is because she was Playmate of the Month in February 1990.

Why the CEO for Playboy?

Pam is very familiar with the magazine having posed on the cover a record 12 times and she also knows what’s sexy. She can also make history and be the first CEO to pose nude in Playboy.

Odds: 100 to 1 (that she poses as CEO Anderson for the 13th time)

25. Robert Ritchie

kid-rock-300x200 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of PlayboyWho is Robert Ritchie?

You may better know him by his stage name, Kid Rock. Kid Rock is most famous for his singing and songwriting, but he’s also done some acting. While most musicians stick with one genre, Kid Rock has talents and interests in many different genres in the music world as he sings rap, hard rock, southern rock, heavy metal, hip hop, blues, and country.

Why the CEO for Playboy?

Well, he was married to Pamela Anderson. You can’t get much closer to Playboy than that! Also, he’s got the “bad boy” image that the Playmates would love, so morale would be great. He spends every day around models, and definitely knows how to get women naked. Because he’s such an effective entertainer, I think Kid Rock could market almost anything, so Playboy would be a piece of cake!
Odds: 100 to 1 (that the playmates go on tour with the American Bad Ass)

26. Shawn Fanning

shawn-fanning-281x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of PlayboyWho is Shawn Fanning?

Computer programmer Shawn Fanning is the founder of Napster.com, a file sharing network on the Internet. The main attraction on Napster.com is to download music easily. Fanning actually got the idea for the site because he was having trouble downloading MP3 files. From there, he developed a program with an easier way to download music and the rest is history.

Why the CEO for Playboy? The answer to this question is simple. Playboy could go into the high tech industry of file sharing on the internet.
Odds: 10,000 to 1 (that he puts the image archives out on the web free to the world to piss off Metallica…err…Hef)

27. Tom Anderson

tom-anderson-191x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Tom Anderson?
Whether you realize it or not, you probably already know “Tom”. Tom Anderson is the founder and president of MySpace.com, a social networking website. When anyone sets up an account with MySpace, they always start out with a default “friend” - Tom. Tom has about 250 million friends on MySpace.

Why the CEO of Playboy? Tom Anderson is the most popular person that I can think of, though most of us just know him as “Tom”. I think he could market Playboy very effectively with over 250 million friends on his side. Also, you figure that Tom already has 250 million friends. Adding on several Playboy Playmates isn’t going to do any harm!

What are your thoughts? Do you think any of these candidates would be suitable? Do you have additional reasons why you feel that may be suitable? Are there any other candidates that you could think of that would be great as the CEO for Playboy?
Odds: 1000 to 1 (that MySpace gets the exclusive distribution deal for Playboy’s content)

28. Stephen Colbert

stephen-colbert-300x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Stephen Colbert?

Colbert is a comedian, actor, and writer that specializes in satire and parodies. He first became famous in his role in Comedy Central’s “Strangers with Candy” and Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show. His brilliance has made him famous.

Why the CEO for Playboy?

Maybe Stephen Colbert could give Playboy a new image, one full of parodies. He could really play up the “dumb blonde” thing, but make it sexy. He understands how America works, and is a true American Hero. He loves apple pie, an is truly the best man for the job.
Odds: 2 to 1 (that he is top voted for and most qualified for the job)

29. Jenna Jameson

jenna-jameson-230x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy Who is Jenna Jameson?

Jenna Jameson is a well known adult film star who has built her own empire. She is getting past her prime as a performer, but is running her own production company - Club Jenna.

Why the CEO for Playboy? Jenna is already quite familiar with adult entertainment, but she is a blossoming businessperson too. She’s currently an author, speaker, and model, and has started to succeed with her own company. She could be the motivation to have Playboy go more hard core in a classy fashion. Her attention to details has made her one of the most watched women on the planet.
Odds: 500 to 1 (that we’ll see penetration in the first quarter magazines)

30. Bill Clinton

bill-clinton-213x300 30 People Who Could Be the Next CEO of Playboy

Who is Bill Clinton?

Bill Clinton was the 42nd President of the United States and was in office from 1993 to 2001. That’s what he’s most famous for. What he infamous for is the sex scandal(s), one of which took place with an intern, Monica Lewinsky while he was President.

Why the CEO for Playboy? We know Bill Clinton loves women, so he’d be very passionate about the job. Right now, he needs a job and his wife Hilary is upstaging him big-time, so being the CEO at Playboy would be a god career move. Perhaps the biggest reason that Bill Clinton should be considered for the job as CEO for Playboy is because he needs somewhere to put his cigars.

Odds: 10,000 to 1 (that Hillary lets him take it)

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