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Monday, December 22, 2008

Tree Man's branches grow back

tree man
Tree Man Dede pictured last year. His condition has worsened

An Indonesian man dubbed the "tree man" because of the gnarled warts all over his body has said his condition had worsened again, although he still hopes to recover and find a job.

Dede, who like many Indonesians goes by one name, returned home from hospital in August after six kilos of warts were surgically removed from his body and has been treated as an out-patient since.

"Those (warts) that were removed are growing again and started to reappear after I returned home," he said, adding that for a time he could go fishing and use a cell phone but now needed assistance again for such activity.

An American doctor has previously said the warts were the result of severe Human Pappiloma Virus (HPV) infection, but the disease is not life-threatening. Doctors say his case is thought to be the worst of its type in the world.

The Discovery Channel recently made a documentary about Dede's affliction and his life.

Dede, 37, first noticed the warts on his body after cutting his knee as a teenager.

Over time, Dede was sacked from his job, deserted by his wife and shunned by neighbours as the horn-like extensions covered much of his body and stopped him working. He has two children.

"I'm not desperate but I want to recover," he added, speaking from his home in the remote West Java village of Tanjung Jaya.

An Indonesian doctor said he would have further operations at the end of December or early next year to remove and reduce warts.

"We have told him that his disease could not be 100 per cent cured. In the previous operation, we only tried to increase his quality of life," said Rachmat Dinata, one of a team of doctors treating him at the Hasan Sadikin hospital in Bandung, a city near his village.

Dinata said he would need at least two operations every year.

For a while, Dede was forced to take part in a circus act in Bandung in order to make ends meet.

But after his case received widespread publicity, donations from the public and government help allowed him to get treatment.

He has also been able to buy some land to grow rice and a second-hand car so his relatives can bring him to hospital.

Original here

'Ecstasy was for my dog your honour'

By Emily Watkins

shar-peis / File
Drug charges ... Steven James Dwyer, 48, told a Northern Territory court he thought the ecstasy pills would stop his pet shar-peis from breeding.
  • Steven Dwyer caught with 70 ecstasy pills
  • Tells court they were birth control for dog
  • Found guilty of drug possession

A NORTHERN Territory businessman who pleaded not guilty to possessing more than 70 ecstasy tablets told Darwin Magistrates Court he thought they were birth control pills for his dog.

Steven James Dwyer, 48, pleaded guilty to possessing a traffickable amount of methamphetamine, but contested the charge of possessing an amount of ecstasy tablets, saying he thought the pills would stop his pet shar-peis from breeding, the Northern Territory News reported.

He was found guilty and convicted on both charges - magistrate Vince Luppino adding he did not find the excuse for having a traffickable amount of ecstasy "reasonable".

Dwyer told the court the ecstasy tablets - MDMA - had come into his hands when he was outside a Katherine laundromat, after he met a man with a female shar-pei dog.

"We chatted about them - where he got them ... we kept talking about dogs and how he bred her," Dwyer said.

"And then we talked about his female coming on heat."

Dwyer told the court the man had told him he used birth control tablets on the dogs, but he had since had his own dog desexed and had no use for the tablets he had in his car.

"I knew she was due to come on heat, I thought, 'That'll be very handy for her'," he said, claiming no money had changed hands.

Dwyer, a painter, told the court he had bought the methamphetamine - or speed - so he could stay awake to keep up with his workload.

The court heard he had recently separated from his wife and was heading into a busy work time in May, when he was caught with 23.5g of ecstasy under the front passenger seat of his car and the 5g of methamphetamine in his trouser pocket, after he was pulled over by police on the Stuart Highway near Adelaide River.

The father-of-four was a coach and vice-president with the Katherine Rugby League, but was stood down when these charges were laid.

Magistrate Luppino sentenced Dwyer to two months' jail, which was fully suspended.

Original here

Suggested Improvements for the Guy Who Mugged Me Last Week

By Anthony Layser


Every Saturday we ask some of our favorite writers to fill in for us. Today, we have former Cracked.com writer Anthony Layser, who is now the deputy managing editor of Asylum.com and the recent victim of a mugging near his home in Brooklyn, New York.

Look, not every mugger is born. Some are made, and you have much to learn. Sure, the way you didn't shoot me was actually quite charming, and you did exhibit the always important ability to speak clearly and distinctly when threatening my life. But should you decide to pursue your hobby as a profession, you'll need to elevate your craft. I am not a criminal myself, so to help guide my critique, I've relied on the invaluable letters of legendary thief and unscrupulous horse trader, Thaddeus "Brier Patch" Budreau and his four A's of "blagging" (that's what they called mugging back then. See? We're already learning!).

NOTE: I cannot recommend Budreau on equine matters, as his views remain most unseemly, even to this day.

#1.
Approach

To understand where you went wrong on each critical step of our communal mugging experience, I'll set the scene from my point of view (I hope you find this enlightening). It was early evening on a late summer day, and I was returning home from my office. As I crossed the park, I noticed the absence of dogs and their owners. This is strange since, as you know, the park is normally the scene of clusters of dog walkers chatting as their pooches sniff one another's anuses.

At a convergence of paths near the park's tennis courts, I noticed three teenagers approaching me. The leader of this band (you!) approached me wearing a Yankees cap and a baggy burgundy hooded sweatshirt and asked me for the time.


It's amazing how much older-looking you get when you pull a gun on somebody.

Room for Improvement:

I immediately knew something was amiss when you made your request by positioning yourself directly in front of me. Time inquiries are commonly done in passing without either party feeling pressured to be physically intimate. To disarm a mark's defenses, Budreau recommends a seemingly harmless panhandling query or charitable donation request. In modern times, this can be done effectively by dressing up a coffee can with information about a popular cause, such as autism or "American Idol."

Successes:

I don't know whether the dog park was empty by chance or if you and your friends informed the local dog owners that the daily off-the-leash hours had expired. If it was the latter, well, you certainly are rascally now aren't you?

#2.
Appeal

By the time I looked up from my watch with a reply of "seven-forty-fuuuuck," you were pulling a handgun from a brown paper bag. Because my pulse quickened and my bowels threatened to move, I was unable to make out the weapon's model. I can say with near certainty that it was larger than a derringer and smaller than a Gatling gun.

At this point you asked, "Do you know what this is?" to which I replied in the affirmative. So far, so good. You followed with the ultimatum: "If you don't want me to use it, you're going to open your bag and give me your laptop." Now we're cooking with gasoline! Only, I did what you said and opened my messenger bag to reveal that I had no laptop.

This is where things started to go off the rails for you. I apologized, but you didn't seem angry so much as sad. From your drooping body language, I'm guessing you guys really had your hearts set on a computer, possibly having already ordered broadband service at your places of residence.

Room for Improvement:

Your appeal was clear and direct thanks in large part to the pistol. However, it lacked menace. Calling me a "pussy-ass bitch" or even simply "dumb motherfucker" may not have produced a computer, but it would have at least caused me to frantically turn over my bag and plead, "Just take it." I think we can both agree that my quality designer carryall would be a significant upgrade from the sandwich bag you were using to tote your gun.


My carryall. Just saying, might have been a nice fit.

Successes:

Despite the lack of a distinctly wrathful tone, I nonetheless nearly shat myself.

#3.
Awareness

The clock was ticking and you and your associates had yet to take anything of value. It is during these moments of adversity that awareness comes into play, and you at least showed the wherewithal to request, as a consolation, my cellular phone. Seeing how the exchange had gone up to that point, I retrieved my phone, but didn't turn it over. I showed it to you and explained, "It's pretty crappy. You probably wouldn't get anything for it."


Maybe consider robbing people your own age. Old guys like me suck at technology.

You nodded and sighed. "What about your watch," you inquired, seemingly not wanting to come away from the mugging without one free item. "Chinatown," I blurted out, referring to the area where cheap counterfeit jewelry and bags are sold. Now here I have a confession to make: That was a lie. I bought the watch at Nordstrom. To my surprise, you again heeded my words and, with frustration and resignation, simply demanded, "Just give me your fucking money then."

Room for Improvement:

As Budreau explains it, awareness is the condition of having a cognizant understanding of the task at hand, which, at its most basic, is to steal things. It also requires an understanding that you probably shouldn't take advice on the appraised worth of valuables from the person you are robbing. On both these points, you failed ... pretty miserably actually.


Yet it could have been worse. Just not much.

Successes:

Finally, some profanity! Much more in line with the appropriate tone of a mugging. However, this was too little too late. Pepper a few "motherfuckers" in up front and I never would have had the balls to lie about the watch. Also, not to nitpick, but "fucking" was modifying my money, when ideally profanity should be used to demean me.

I do count the fact that the gun didn't accidentally go off as a success.

#4.
Ascape

History is unclear as to whether Budreau's general lack of propriety gave him the liberty spell the word "escape" with an "a" or if he simply did not know the correct spelling. In any case, after I turned over the cash in my wallet, you thanked me for "not making a scene," and fled with your cohorts, laughing as you went.

When I reached the road that runs along the park, I called 911 and reported that I had been mugged by three teenagers, including one wearing a Yankees hat. A few moments later, the police arrived and asked me to get into the backseat of their cruiser to assist them in combing the neighborhood. Every New York City teenager out on the streets wearing a Bronx Bombers' cap (there's surprisingly no dearth of them!) was soon being patted down, ID'd and questioned in an accusing manner about their recent whereabouts. After about 20 minutes of harassing local youth, I asked the authorities to drop me off at home, feeling more hungry than concerned about getting my $33 back from you.

Room for Improvement:

Muggers often give their victims a solid punch or pistol whip before parting ways -- a tactic enthusiastically espoused by Budreau. I see this as a matter of preference, and offer that if you'd subsequently assaulted me, rather than thanking me, I probably would've been more interested in helping the police.

Successes:

If the Yankees hat was a premeditated, Thomas Crown Affair-style blending tactic, this was by far your best move. Kudos!

If, however, you're just a Yankees fan, well, congratulations! You now have enough money to purchase exactly one Fathead brand 17-inch Derek Jeter skin for the laptop you will undoubtedly continue to illegally pursue.

In Conclusion:

It won't always be laptops. One day, you're going to want to sponsor a sex worker or support a substance abuse problem. But to reach those levels, you're going to need to take a critical look at the way you conduct your muggings.

In the meantime, it would be forthright if you showed gratitude for the advice I've offered here by finding another park to terrorize.

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