A lot of people use the Internet these days. Although it used to be an exclusive haven for shut-ins and the socially inept, the Web is now home to all segments of the societal landscape.
That’s why today, The Panda Page wants to break down the anonymity of the Web with a new series called, A Field Guide to Internet People.
This week’s subject: New Jersey Sicilians. More specifically, the Guido species.
Let’s get to know them, shall we?
1. What They Look Like
The New Jersey Guido can be identified most easily for its distinctive hairstyle, the Blow-Out. Which consists of shaving off the sideburns and gelling the hair into spikes [shown below in Fig 1.1].
The Guido can also be spotted for its noticeably dark, spray tan [pictured below in Fig 1.2].
Other common traits of the Guido include wife beater t-shirts, steroid-enhanced muscles, and a large jaw-line [see Fig 1.3 below].
2. Where To Find Them
When the Guido is not posting pictures or videos of himself and his friends on the internet, he can be found in the dance clubs of the New Jersey Shore [pictured below Fig 2.1].
Other locations to spot Guidos include construction sites, plumbing services, and clubs (as bouncers)
3. Hobbies
Among the most popular hobbies of Guido include dancing erratically at clubs, drinking Jager Bombs, being racist toward black people, lifting weights, objectifying women, and wearing lip gloss [pictured below in Fig 3.1].
4. Conclusion
Now that you’ve seen who they are, why not say “Hi” when you see one online? Although, a warning: the Guido does not like to be approached. At first he will ask, “What the f*&k you looking at?”, or “You f&*king looking at me?” So it is important that you present yourself as a Guido, so he can relate to you.
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